June 21, travel day

Today has been dedicated to the miracle of flight. Richmond to New York, New York to Paris, Paris to London. Six time zones. Three airplanes. One flight where I tucked my too short seat belt under my shirt and the flight attendant was none the wiser. One eighteen month old. Twin sixteen month olds. And a yippy lap dog in a mesh duffle bag. And I have not even seen my third plane yet. It is 10:00 eastern time, and I am writing this somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean waiting to touch down in Paris.


The plane from Richmond was evidently the aerospace version of the Smart car, but without a cool exterior color. As I boarded, there was a mom and her 18 moth old in my aisle seat. I tried to be a gentleman and take the window seat, which forced me to sit hunched over, as if I had spent a long life in a bell tower. The stewardess was...persnickety, the seat was narrow, and the seat belt was short. Luckily, being that I was by the window, I was able to hide the un-buckled seatbelt under my shirt without having to face the sparkling personality of Ms. Sunshine. They said the flight was 45 minutes, but my spine disagrees. It was 98 degrees in RVA, so 115 on the Tarmac, and the air on the plane was not working. But do not despair, they provided us with a cough syrup dosage cup of water 15 minutes in, so I was able to stave off dehydration. The cute title girl with the giant bow in her hair spent the flight playing drums on the seat back, smacking me with her sassy sparkly sunglasses, and banging her head against the tray table, as if she was acting out what I was thinking.


After landing at JFK, I walked 2 miles through a tube on the Tarmac, which evidently doubles as a jerky maker. Then, more good news...my next flight was taking off from another building, which required direction acquisition from three TSA agents, another stroll in the brisk summer air, and lines like nothing I had ever seen. (that's not true, but the last time I was in this kind of line it was for the log flume, and babies were not allowed.). Luckily, there was enough time between flights for me to walk a 5k, grab some lunch, and stop by the restroom, which I must say, was in surprisingly good condition, which is very important, as those of you who know me can appreciate.


Before moving on to the Paris flight, I must first mention the shoe removal process for the security scanning. I cannot tell you how gross this is. I think I have found the one place where my friend Paul would even withdraw his liberal use of the 5-second rule. I cannot even imagine how gross the mop water looks after cleaning this area, and I have clearly already spent too much time thinking about it. And the number of people that were doing the twenty yard walk of shame barefooted makes my stomach turn upside down.


The line to. Board the plane to Paris was immense. This is a BIG plane. I paid a little extra to move up to Prmium Voyager, a class Air France has that is in between economy and business. TripAdvisor's seat guru is a great tool assisting customers to find the best seats on each type of plane, and I registered for a seat with extra leg room. Before the flight I get called to the desk because there is a large family that wanted to sit together. Knowing what I had just been through, and with a 6 .5 hour flight ahead of me, I decide to keep my seat that I paid extra for. Well, karma came quick on this one. To my right is a woman, her twin 16 moth olds Sally and Sully, her mother, and their dog. Granddad is sitting to my left, across the aisle. The last four hours have been non stop motion and noise. Crying, yapping, screaming, kicking, fussing, etc. You get the picture. I the bright side, there was a meal, which I was not expecting. I will now forever be able to say that the first time I ate duck was while flying with Air France. At least it was eaten in the sky, where it was the happiest, I am assuming. Based on that meal alone, it is probably best that I am not staying in France. They would have to send me home in a shipping crate.


We have 90 minutes before we land. I am going to try to get a nap now that the kids are sleeping.